[ trapped in a closet ]
by kHo

“And in the third grade I dated this girl Shirley, but then I found out that she was just dating me to make Jason jealous, and that was like a double slap in the face because Jason was the only other guy in the class that had straight A´s and perfect attendance like me and he was like, my rival, so now not only was he my rival in school but he was my rival romantically as well and--’

“Are you even pausing long enough to take a breath, or are you just running on fumes at this point,’ Casey asked-- growled really-- crouched up against the wall with his gun trained on the door.

“I babble when I´m nervous,’ Chuck hissed back, crossing his arms defensively across his chest. “And in case you didn´t know this about me, being trapped in a closet with a dude who thinks it´s perfectly fine to bug their next door neighbor´s room and listen in on their private conversations by some other dudes who think it´s perfectly fine to, ya know, shoot at me for knocking over a vase, is not exactly my idea of a non-nervous evening!’

“That vase is worth eleven million dollars, you´re lucky they only hit your ear.’

Chuck barked out a laugh. “Lucky, yes. I suppose I am lucky, just like, missing part of my ear, but hey, it´s not the part that hears so that´s fine, but ya know, if it had been two inches to the left I´d be dead, which is decidedly not fine.’

“More like two centimeters,’ Casey said, looking back over his shoulder towards Chuck. “Maybe three.’

“Eleven million dollars, really,’ Chuck asked suddenly, scooting over just a little bit closer to Casey. Casey gave him a dirty look but Chuck ignored him. He´d decided a long time ago things would be a lot less stressful if he stopped having a heart attack every time Casey glared at him. “What about a vase is worth eleven million dollars?’

“Some famous artist guy used his own blood sweat and tears to make it for his gay lover, and it´s been passed down from generation to generation and is believed to be a good luck charm to anyone who has it in their possession.’

Chuck blinked. “Really?’

Casey rolled his eyes. “Look, for all I know Michelangelo used it as a spittoon, I just know it´s a damned expensive vase and now I´m stuck in a closet with a guy that doesn´t know when to shut the hell up.’

“You asked me why I was hung up on Sarah,’ Chuck said, banging his head against the wall. “I was explaining it to you.’

“For Christ´s sake, I wasn´t actually asking you why, I was telling you to get the hell over it,’ Casey spat out, shaking his head. “Is everything literal with you?’

“Well excuse me, I thought for once you were genuinely interested in my happiness, I´ll never make that mistake again.’

Casey turned to look at him. “Look it, Chuck. I have no reason to want to see you unhappy. On the other hand, I really don´t give a good damn whether you are or not, so I really don´t need to take the lifelong journey of why Chuck´s romantic life sucks, okay?’

“Fine.’

“Oh, now you´re pissed,’ Casey said, rolling his eyes again and lowering the gun to turn and face Chuck. “You´re like a woman.’

Chuck´s mouth fell open. “I am not!’

Casey raised his eyebrows at him. “You´re going to passively aggressively snap at me until I apologize and let you tell me the story, so why don´t we just skip that part and you finish telling me your tale of woe so we can get the hell out of here without me having to shoot you, all right?’

Chuck frowned. “Well now I don´t want to tell you.’

“Fine by me,’ he said, turning back around to face the door.

“Fine.’

“I´m giving it another fifteen minutes and then we´re busting out of this joint.’

Chuck huffed out a breath. “It´s just that it´s been a while since I had sex, and you don´t even want to know how long it´s been since I´ve had an honest to god girlfriend, and I really don´t think it´s fair that because Bryce emailed me a bunch of pictures I´m expected to put my life on hold indefinitely just for the sake of a cover story when--’

Casey shut him up with a hand behind his neck and his lips on Chuck´s and Chuck took a full two seconds to realize that the reason he couldn´t talk was because Casey´s tongue was in his mouth.

Pushing him away he blinked wildly at him and opened his mouth no less than four times before any actual words came out. “What'd you do that for?"

"You were talking again."

Chuck blinked some more. “So you kissed me?’

Casey raised his eyebrows back. “It was annoying me.’

Chuck gestured at him. "Again… so you kissed me?"

"Shut you up, didn't it," Casey asked, rolling to a crouching position to look through the slats in the door. “I think we´re good to go now.’

“I was talking,’ Chuck hissed, moments later as he hid behind Casey´s back as they made their way down the hallway.

“Yes.’

“And it annoyed you.’

Casey sighed. “Yes.’

“So you kissed me.’

Casey growled and looked at him. “Yes!’

“Okay,’ Chuck said, holding up his hands innocently. “I´m just saying next time you could just say, hey, Chuck, mind knocking off the talking?’

“That would give you a choice in the matter,’ Casey grumbled, striding quickly down the hall, gun first.

“Right, because kissing me rendered me mute,’ Chuck muttered, hurrying to catch up.

“Trust me,’ Casey said, whirling around and glaring at him, walking up close enough that Chuck could smell the funyuns he´d been eating on the car ride over. “If I´d really been kissing you, you would´ve been rendered mute.’

Chuck stood there blinking a good thirty seconds after Casey had rounded the corner. “Okay,’ he muttered to himself. “You are not going to test that theory, Chuck, you are not, you are not, you are not.’

The only problem was it was pointless. He always knows when he´s lying to himself.