[ there for you ]
by kHo

Franco sighed loudly before pressing the talk button on the intercom.  “Yeah?’

“Hey man,’ came Sean´s voice, sounding far off and tinny.  “Where are you?’

“I´m right here, man,’ Franco said, rolling his eyes.  “You´re standing outside my building, ya douche.’

“No, I mean… you were supposed to come over.’

Franco ground his teeth together.  “Yeah.  Well.  I didn´t.’

“Obviously.’  There´s a pause and Franco can just picture Sean frowning at the intercom, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  “Are you gonna let me up or what?’

“Why?’

“Because!  We had plans, man!’

“Fine,’ Franco growled, punching the button to buzz Sean in and walking over to open the door.  He walked back over to his couch, sitting down heavily and crossing his arms, concentrating on his television.  

Sean walked in a minute later, his cheeks rosy from the exertion of walking up the steps and a frown marring his face.  “The fuck, man?’

“Hey,’ Franco groused, glancing up at Sean.  “Keela.’

“Oh,’ Sean said, ducking his head slightly and glancing at Keela´s room.  “Sorry.’  He walked over to Franco and looked at the couch, shifting on his feet and taking off his jacket.  “So um.  What the fuck man,’ he asked again, lowering his voice to a mere whisper.

“What, what the fuck,’ Franco asked, his jaw clenching as he continued to stare unseeingly at the television.  Wolf Blitzer was saying something about something that was probably important, but it was the last thing on Franco´s mind.  All he could hear was the sound of Sean breathing.  He stretched out his legs and propped them on the table in front of him.

Sean sighed loudly and stepped over Franco´s legs, sitting down on the couch next to him and throwing his coat off to the side.  “You ditched me.  I mean, I don´t care, but you could have called.  We were gonna play poker.’

Franco snorted, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the couch.  “I ditched you, huh?  Well I´m sorry.  A friend shouldn´t ditch another friend on such an important thing as beer and fuckin´ poker.’

Sean´s frown deepened.  “Are you like, in a mood or something?’

Franco opened his eyes, rolling his head to look at Sean.  “You could say that.’

Sean´s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  “I just did.’  He sighed, looking towards the television.  “Alright.   So did you want to be alone or you wanna play poker?’

“The fuck do you care,’ Franco mumbled, reaching down for the remote, pulling it out from between the cushions.  “Shouldn´t you be out scoping the NA meetings with Mike?’

Sean looked at him, clearly pissed.  “What the hell is your problem, Franc?  I came over here cause I was worried.’

Franco turned a glare on him but didn´t say anything.

“What, man?!’

“Lower.  Your.  Voice,’ Franco hissed, angrily turning off the television.  “Keela is trying to sleep.’

“You´re pissed at me,’ Sean asked, raising his eyebrows.  “You are, aren´t you?’

Franco rolled his eyes, reaching down and grabbing a bottle of water off of the floor.  “Perceptive fella.’

“What the hell?  What did I do?’

Franco shrugged.  “Forget it, Sean,’ he said, closing his eyes again and laying his head back.  “I guess I just don´t feel like playing poker tonight.’

Sean reached out, hitting him lightly on the chest.  “Hey.  Talk to me, man.’

“I said forget it, Sean,’ Franco said, his voice low and hard as he turned to look at him.  “Just go home.’

Sean bit his lip, sinking back in the couch and studying Franco.  “No,’ he said, shaking his head.  “I´m not gonna just go home.  I want to know why you´re so pissed at me.’

Franco laughed.  “I´m too pissed at you to tell you why I´m pissed at you Sean.  I´ve never been more pissed at you in my life.  So why don´t you just go the fuck home and leave me alone.’

Sean´s eyes flew wide and Franco watched the anger drain out of him to be replaced by shock.  “Franco.’

“You really have no idea why I´m pissed at you,’ Franco said, leaning forward and glaring at Sean, feeling the anger surging through his blood.  “No fuckin´ clue what you did?’

“No,’ Sean said, his voice going high and cracking in the middle.  Franco wasn´t sure if he was more pissed at Sean for what he did or for the fact that he didn´t even know he´d done anything.  “What, man?’

“I´m goin´ through something, man, and you just left me,’ Franco said, leaning back against the couch, shaking his head.  “You just left me.  For some pussy.  For sex.’

Sean frowned in confusion.  “You mean the meeting last week?  Franco, you left me.’

Franco rolled his eyes, standing up.  “Whatever.  Go home, Sean,’ he said, walking towards the kitchen.  He heard Sean mumbling to himself and the rustle of him getting up off of the couch and following him into the kitchen.  “I´m serious, Sean.  If I have to look at you one more second I might fuckin´ hit you.’

When he finally looked at him again Sean´s eyes were still wide and filled with shock.  It only amplified his anger.  “Franco, what are you talking about?’

Franco slammed his hands down on the counter and squared off against him.  “I needed you, man.  I thought we were friends.’

“We are,’ Sean said, stepping forward, reaching out to touch him.  His hand froze in the air when Franco took a step back.  “Franco, I am your friend.  I swear to God.’

Franco laughed, his throat working painfully over the lump that was perpetually lodged in his throat these days.  “Really?  Is that what friends do?  Abandon someone when they really need you?  Nice, Sean.  Real nice definition of friendship you got goin´ there.’

Sean stepped forward again but didn´t reach out to touch him this time.  “Listen man, I wish I knew what you were talking about, but I really don´t.’

“Vicoden, Sean,’ Franco growled.  “I´m addicted.  I´ve got a problem man, and I´m trying to kick it, and I fuckin´ can´t.  It´s kickin´ my ass.’

Sean´s eyebrows rose.  “This is about the Vicoden?’

Franco shook his head.  “Unbelievable.’

“No,’ Sean said, stepping closer still, now only half a foot away from him.  “No, I mean.  I didn´t know it was serious man.’

Franco rolls his eyes, leaning his hip against the counter.  “I asked you to go to an NA meeting with me, Sean.  How much more serious do you need it to be?’

He could see the guilt clouding Sean´s eyes and his shoulders slumping and felt some sort of perverse satisfaction.  It wasn´t enough, not by a long shot, but it felt almost as good as it would have if he´d actually punched him.  “Franco, it never crossed my mind it would be a problem for you.  I mean, I thought yeah.  It´s serious enough that you need to quit, but.  It never… I didn´t know it was hard for you.’

“That´s what addiction is Sean,’ Franco nearly yelled, only remembering to temper his voice half way through it.  “It means I need it.  It means my body wants it.’

Sean shook his head, his mouth pursing as he leaned against the opposite counter.  “Well why didn´t you tell me that, Franco?’

Franco laughed again, rolling his eyes.  “I did, man.’

“No, uh, you didn´t,’ Sean said, laughing slightly.  “You said you wanted me to come with you, that´s it.  You didn´t tell me any of this.’

“I shouldn´t have had to, Sean,’ Franco hissed, frowning at him.

Sean´s arms spread wide in exasperation.  “Then how was I supposed to know?!’

“Because you know me, Sean.’  Franco sighed, stretching his neck, reaching up to rub at it.  “What do you want? You want me to cry on your fuckin´ shoulder?’

Sean nodded, hugging his arms to his chest.  “If you need to, man.  You know I´m always here for you.’

Franco laughed again, feeling the tears pricking at the back of his eyelids.  “Yeah.  Well.  I´m not so sure anymore.  Last week yeah.  But this week?  Not so sure, man.’

He watched Sean close his eyes, bending his head forward and running a hand through his hair.  “Honestly, Franco,’ Sean said softly, looking up at him through his eyelashes.  “I had no idea.’

And just like that, the anger drained out of him.  Because Sean was a lot of things, but callus wasn´t one of them.  He´d been so pissed at him, but mostly he´d been hurt, and now that he could see the guilt in Sean´s eyes he didn´t have the anger anymore.  He wanted it back.  “Just go home, Sean.’

“I´m sorry, Franco,’ Sean said, his voice pleading.  “I didn´t know.  I didn´t mean to…’  He broke off, looking away, and Franco could see tears flickering out of the corners of his eyes.  “I didn´t know.  I´m sorry.’

“Yeah,’ Franco said, lifting a hand to wipe over his face.  “Well.  It hurt me, man.  I needed you, and you weren´t there for me.’

“Shit,’ Sean hissed, his fists clenching as he pushed off of the counter, looking out into the hallway to the den.  “Idiot.  I´m such a fucking asshole,’ he said, shaking his head angrily.  “Fuck, man.’

Franco sighed.  “Listen.  I believe you, okay?’

“No, man, no,’ Sean said, turning to look at him, and now Franco was sure.  He could see the tears in Sean´s eyes and if Sean so much as blinked they would fall.  “That doesn´t make what I did right.  I´m such a fuckin´ asshole!’

Franco took a deep breath, blinking rapidly and looking away from him.  “It´s okay, Sean.  You didn´t know.’

“I´m sorry, man. I´m really, really sorry,’ Sean said, walking up to him and reaching out, his fingers clasping over Franco´s shoulders.  “I´m really fuckin´ sorry.  I should have known.  You´re right, you shouldn´t have had to tell me.  I should have just known.’

“Don´t,’ Franco said quietly, unable to look at him.  “Don´t do this.’

“Do what,’ Sean asked, his voice just as quiet.

“Don´t get all fuckin´ emotional man, I can´t take it right now,’ he said, taking a deep breath, feeling like he would start hyperventilating.  

“Okay,’ Sean said softly, dropping his hands and backing up.  “Alright, I´m sorry.’

“It´s been really hard, Sean,’ Franco whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.  “Dealing with this.  I didn´t feel like I had anyone to talk to, and… And I´m not saying this to make you feel guilty, man, it just has.’

He glanced up at Sean and saw him gritting his teeth, clearing his throat.  “Well.  I´m here now.  Okay?’

Franco nodded, hugging his arms to his chest, clearing his throat as well.  “What if I can´t do it, Sean,’ he asked, hating himself even as the words came out.  “What if I can´t kick it?’

Sean frowned.  “Of course you can.’

Franco shook his head.  “You don´t know that.’

“Yeah I do,’ Sean said, nodding his head, still frowning.  “You´re Franco.’

Franco laughed, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.  “I´m not sure that´s enough right now.’

“Well, it is,’ Sean said softly, and the certainty in his voice made Franco´s throat seize up.  

“Don´t do it again,’ Franco whispered, looking at him and forcing himself to just say this, to just get through it.  “Don´t leave me again.’

“I won´t,’ Sean said, walking forward and stopping in front of him.  “I won´t, I swear, Franco.’

Franco closed his eyes as Sean´s arms wrapped awkwardly around him and finally wound his arms around Sean´s back.  “I´ll kick your fuckin´ ass, Sean, I mean it.’

“You won´t have to,’ Sean muttered into his shoulder, his arms tightening around him.  “It´s not gonna happen.’

Franco smiled, leaning back and pushing gently at his chest.  “Alright.  Enough gay shit.’

Sean laughed, ducking his head.  “Sorry.’

Franco took a deep breath, nodding quickly.  “So.  Poker?’

Sean grinned.  “Definitely.’