[ sarcasm and sex ]
by kHo

When he heard the footsteps on the stairs he opened his eyes, straightening against the door behind his back. Danny rounded the corner, his head bent down as he looked at his keys, fumbling through them to find the right one, mumbling to himself. Bending down to pick the sack up off of the floor he straightened to find Danny gawking at him.

“I brought ‘welcome home´ stuff,’ he said, gesturing to the brown paper bag. “Didn´t have time for a banner.’

Danny´s smile was small and it hurt Chris to see it, because usually Danny´s smiles could light up a room. Coming up beside him he slid the key into the hole and twisted it. “You didn´t have to come see me, Chris,’ he said, sliding a smirk in his direction before slipping into the apartment, holding the door open. “You could have waited till later.’

“But I brought ice cream,’ Chris said, frowning at him and shoving the bag into Danny´s hands as he walked past him.

Danny reached into the bag and pulled out the carton of Chunky Monkey, rolling his eyes and looking at him. “I´m not a chick, dude,’ he said, walking over to his kitchen and pulling a spoon. “Ice cream doesn´t solve this.’

Chris tossed his jacket on the back of the couch and settled down on the floor, crossing his legs Indian-style. “I notice you´re not tossing it,’ he said, smirking at him.

Danny rolled his eyes again and laughed, sinking down across from Chris and sighing heavily. “Well ice cream is ice cream.’

Chris watched him scoop out a huge ball of ice cream, stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. He grimaced. “Dude, you´re gonna get brain freeze.’

“Good,’ Danny said, laughing around the bite of ice cream. “Maybe it´ll freeze the memory of tonight, make it go away.’

Chris leaned on the couch, picking at the torn fabric. “Was it bad?’

Danny shook his head, scooping another bite. “I don´t know man. It was boring mostly, but. Yeah.’ He looked up at Chris briefly before turning back to the carton. “The part where Johnny came to get me and wouldn´t even look at me I could do without.’

“Yeah,’ Chris said softly, looking down at the floor. “I can´t say I envy you that.’

Danny laughed. “As far as jail stays go, it wasn´t that bad. The cop was actually pretty cool. He saw me play once, at the bar. Said I was good.’

Chris laughed. “Odd place to get a compliment like that,’ he said, reaching over and grabbing for his jacket. “I brought pot too,’ he said, reaching into the pocket and pulling out the small bag.

Danny´s grin that time was more like his usual, and it made Chris feel much better. “You´re the best, man,’ he said, digging his spoon back into the carton and looking up at him. “You want some?’

Chris snorted, nodding. “I was beginning to wonder if I was gonna have to pry the carton from your hands.’

Danny grinned at him, holding the spoon up to his mouth. When Chris shot him a look he laughed. “I don´t have cootie´s man. What´s a salivated upon spoon between friends?’

Chris laughed and Danny shoved the spoon into his mouth. Choking a bit he dribbled vanilla ice cream down his chin when Danny withdrew it. “You´re an asshole,’ he mumbled over the bite, swallowing it and laughing again. “You took my tonsils out with you!’

“Sorry,’ Danny said, clearly not. He put the carton down on the carpet between them and took the bag of pot from Chris, holding it up to his nose and smelling it. “Ahhh. I love you for this, Chris, I really do,’ he said, grinning at him and reaching over to his table to grab the pipe.

While Danny packed the bowl Chris reached for the carton, staring down at it. “How the fuck did you devour half a pint of ice cream in two minutes?!’

“Very talented mouth,’ Danny said, wagging his tongue at him.

Chris laughed, scraping the spoon around the carton and coming up with a reasonable bite. “Please don´t fellate the air, Danny. It´s very disturbing.’

Danny smirked at him. “I don´t hear the air complaining,’ he said, tilting his head. “Do you?’

Chris rolled his eyes at him. “Well I am.’

Danny cast him a sidelong glance as he finished packing the bowl. “Jealous?’

Chris frowned, reaching for the pipe. “Honestly, the fact that the air is getting more action than me is a bit of a downer.’

Danny snorted, fumbling on the table to reach his lighter. “Poor Chris,’ he said, lighting it for him, his eyes twinkling at him. “Just can´t find a non-psycho chick to go down on him.’

“Seriously man,’ Chris said, letting out a billow of smoke and passing the pipe to Danny. “How is a guy supposed to perform when he´s got a stuffed Dumbo eyeballin´ his every move?’

“Doesn´t bother me,’ Danny choked out, sucking the smoke into his lungs further. “Actually, kinda hot,’ he said, passing it back to Chris. “Like my own personal audience to perform for.’

Chris shuddered. “Made up of Disney characters? I´d rather not pervert my childhood, thank you.’

“Oh, come on, Pinocchio was so goin´ down on Geppetto,’ Danny said, somehow managing to pull it off with a straight face. “His nose wasn´t the only thing growing, ya know.’

Chris looked at him aghast. “Take that back,’ he said, holding the pipe aloft when Danny tried to grab for it. “Pinocchio was a wooden boy and Geppetto was a sweet old man who wanted to make him real!’

Danny just raised his eyebrows. “Dude.’

Chris sighed, handing him the pipe. “Okay, so yeah, it sounds pretty gay.’

Danny grinned. “Don´t even get me started on Snow White.’

Chris groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can´t believe you just turned Geppetto into a pedophile.’

“It´s my gift,’ Danny said, smirking and blowing the smoke in his face.

“Yes,’ Chris said, looking at him and laughing. “Danny, King of corrupting the sanctity of my childhood memories and performing fellatio on the air.’

Danny snorted. “You´re kind of stuck on that air fellatio thing, there, huh?’

Chris felt himself blushing. “Man, do you have any idea how long it´s been since I got laid?!’

“Well,’ Danny said, resting his head back against the cushions and grinning at him. “Ya know, I don´t have any stuffed animals.’

Chris snorted. “And, unfortunately, you also don´t have any tits.’

Danny frowned, his eyes flicking down to Chris' lips. "I could get some," he said, smirking and looking back up at him.

Chris froze, looking at him. “Dude. Did you just flirt with me?’

Danny licked his lips, looking away. “Pass the pipe, man.’

Chris passed it, nearly jerking his hand away when Danny´s fingers brushed against his. “Did it just get weird? It just got weird, didn´t it?’

Danny took a long drag off of the pipe and looked at him, letting the smoke out slowly. “Anyone ever tell you you´re really easy to wig out?’

Chris kicked his foot out, thumping it against Danny´s leg. “Fuck you.’

Danny´s grin was positively wicked. “You wish.’

Chris ignored the shiver running down his spine as Danny handed back the pipe, clearing his throat. “Anyway. Did you have plans today?’

Danny´s unwavering gaze unnerved him so much he had to look away. “Nope. Just bed.’

Chris closed his eyes, because somehow that sounded like more than it probably was, and he was losing his mind. “Right. I should probably go, I´m sure you´re really tired.’

Danny´s fingers curled around his wrist when he went to stand, holding him in place. “Don´t leave,’ he said softly, still watching him. “Jesus, if it´s really weirding you out, I´ll stop.’

Chris swallowed, looking at him. “So. You are then,’ he said, clearing his throat when his voice wavered. “Flirting with me. You really are?’

Danny looked at him, his fingers tightening on Chris´ wrist. “I´m actually not sure.’ He laughed, sounding almost nervous, which would be a first for him. He averted his gaze. “I´ll stop.’

“No,’ Chris said softly, the nerves twisting in his stomach telling him to shut up, just stop talking right now. “Actually, what´s freaking me out is that… I don´t want you to stop.’

Danny licked his lips and this time Chris didn´t push down the shiver he felt working its way up his spine. “Chris this is dangerous territory.’

Chris laughed, definitely nervous, and nodded. “Yeah.’

Danny´s eyes flickered back down to his lips and Chris fought the urge to wetten them. “Chris. I swear to God if you´re fucking with me.’

“I´m not,’ Chris said, knowing his eyes were as wide as they´d ever been. “I almost wish I were, man.’

“I don´t,’ Danny said, shifting until he was kneeling, facing him more squarely. “Because I was lying before.’

Chris swallowed again, looking up at him. “You were?’

“Yeah,’ Danny said, shifting forward and placing his hands on the sides of Chris´ neck. “I was definitely flirting.’

“God,’ was all Chris got out before Danny´s lips were on his, and it was that moment that he knew, for sure, he was definitely okay with Danny flirting with him. When Danny´s tongue brushed past his lips he let out a moan and grabbed for his shirt, pulling him tighter against him.

“You taste like bananas,’ Danny whispered against his lips, licking lightly at them.

Chris tried to pry his eyes open. “I what,’ he mumbled, breathless.

“Bananas,’ Danny said, laughing slightly. “Chunky Monkey. The ice cream, man.’ He kissed him again and Chris groaned into it. “I fucking love bananas.’

“I know,’ Chris hissed, his fingers tightening on Danny´s shirt as Danny lowered his mouth to his neck. “That´s why I bought Chunky Monkey.’

Danny raised his head again to kiss him before leaning back and looking at him, studying his face. “You´re okay with this,’ he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Chris ran his hand down Danny´s side, smiling when he closed his eyes and shuddered slightly. “Not exactly pushing you off of me, am I?’

Danny grinned, licking his lips and lowering himself into Chris´ lap, his erection rubbing against Chris´. “I still don´t have tits,’ he teased, dipping forward but stopping just short of kissing him.

“God,’ Chris said, sliding his hands to Danny´s back, pulling him closer. “Danny, I don´t fuckin´ care.’

Danny´s nails scratched into his hair as he lowered his mouth to his again, his hips grinding lightly against him. Chris rucked up his shirt, slipping his hands underneath and up Danny´s spine, smiling into the kiss as Danny grunted his approval. “Off,’ Danny hissed against his mouth. “Take it off.’

Chris yanked on the shirt, pulling it up and over Danny´s head before Danny´s fingers fumbled with the buttons on Chris´ shirt. He shivered at the sudden bite of cold against his skin when Danny´s fingers spread over his chest. One look into Danny´s eyes chased the cold away.

“You shouldn´t hide this under your shirts, Chris,’ Danny whispered, his eyes following the patterns of his fingers as he traced his muscles.

Chris felt himself blushing. “So I should walk around naked all the time instead?’

Danny´s answering grin was all he got in return before he yanked Danny´s head back down for another kiss, his tongue warring with his. When Danny ground against him again he ripped his mouth away with a groan, leaning his forehead against Danny´s shoulder. “Too much,’ Danny asked breathlessly.

“Not enough,’ Chris whispered back. “I want to touch you, Danny. I want--’

“God yes,’ Danny said before he could even finish, taking Chris´ hand and placing it on his erection, biting his lip and reaching over to unbutton Chris´ jeans. “Whatever you want, Chris, anything.’

“Fuck,’ Chris whimpered when Danny´s fingers wrapped around him beneath his boxers. He hurriedly unzipped Danny´s jeans, delving his hand inside to find that Danny wasn´t wearing anything at all underneath them. “God, Danny, Jesus.’

“Your voice,’ Danny breathed into his neck, licking it and biting down gently. “I didn´t know it could sound like that.’

“Same could be said for you,’ Chris managed to get out, trying to develop some semblance of a pattern as he started to stroke Danny´s cock. “I hate jeans.’

Danny muffled a laugh into his neck, twisting his wrist and making Chris writhe beneath him. “I don´t have enough patience to wait for you to get them off,’ he said, twisting his wrist again. “Later we´ll do it without them.’

Chris tried to hold back a guttural moan and failed. “Later, huh,’ he said, turning his head and mimicking Danny, biting into his collarbone and grinning as Danny´s free hand tightened on his bicep.

“Yeah,’ Danny grunted, pumping his fist faster, ripping the breath right out of Chris´ lungs. “Faster, Chris, go faster.’

Chris didn´t even bother to respond, just started stroking faster, vaguely aware of the sounds he was making. He was much more aware of Danny, of the way his breath was catching, the almost whimpers coming out of him.

When Danny´s mouth captured his again he came, bucking up into Danny´s hand, thinking for all the world he was going to melt right into the floor. Danny followed soon behind and Chris vaguely wondered if he should be disgusted by the hot sticky mess he could feel sliding against his skin but all he could do was lean against Danny and kiss him even harder.

Danny pulled back first, sighing heavily as he lowered himself to the floor and fell back against the couch seat. “Well,’ he said, laughing softly. “I can´t say I expected that to happen.’

Chris swallowed, trying to slow his heartbeat. “You and me both.’

Danny looked at him and grinned, reaching over and tracing his lips with his thumb. “You look really sexy right now,’ he said softly. “Like you´re fucked out.’

Chris laughed, shifting and pulling his jeans back up to a more comfortable spot. “Well. I guess I kind of am, at that.’

Danny looked down and picked up the carton of Chunky Monkey, sticking a finger in it and bringing it to Chris´ lips, his eyes dancing when Chris tentatively licked it clean. “See? Bananas.’

Chris blushed, not even sure why. “Yeah,’ he said, licking at his lips. “I should--’

“I´m fuckin´ beat,’ Danny interrupted, standing suddenly and zipping up his jeans, looking down at him. “You haven´t slept yet either, have you?’

Chris looked up at him. “No.’

Danny looked at the couch and then towards his hall. “Why don´t you stay here,’ he asked, looking back down at him. “My bed, the couch, I don´t care. When we wake up we could uh…’ He smirked, holding his hand out to help Chris up. “Try it sans the jeans.’

Chris took his hand, wavering slightly when he wound up nearly standing on Danny´s toes. “You think if we sleep in the same bed we´ll actually sleep?’

Danny grinned at him. “I think I don´t give a fuck.’

Chris grinned back. “Well at least I know there´s no stuffed animals.’