[ the distance between insanity and genius ]
by kHo

It happened pretty much the way he’d thought it would, the times he’d allowed himself to think it could. Arguing had, to John, always felt like foreplay with Rodney.

Being back on Earth is nice, and familiar, and easy, and boring, boring, boring. Everyone on the expedition, save a few people that probably shouldn’t have been there to begin with, is itching to get back.

None more so than John himself, because Earth didn’t fit like it used to. Hadn’t since he’d left the first time, and it had been driven home further with every trip back.

He doesn’t let himself think about when if ever they’re going back often, because the idea of them being stuck on Earth for the indefinite future drives him crazy like the idea of being unable to speak would for Rodney.

It does have its pleasantries though, and they’ve indulged themselves tonight with a nice Italian restaurant and two and a half bottles of wine. One in the restaurant, the other one and a half at Jennifer’s nice, safe, clean third floor apartment. It has beige carpet and brown couches, and an insanely amazing surround-sound entertainment center with a 63” Plasma screen. John thinks Jennifer’s dad is really rich, or doctors really do make insane amounts of money.

It’s usually the seven of them: Rodney and Jennifer, Ronon and Amelia, Teyla and Kanaan, and himself. He kind of hates their group outings. It makes him feel melancholy in ways he never did in the Pegasus galaxy, that everyone’s coupled up but him. It makes him think of the future where his team consists of himself and whoever the hell else is on rotation that week because everyone else has left him, for kids or husbands or wives. He doesn’t like that future, but he’s pretty sure it’s imminent.

Tonight though it was just them. John and Rodney and Jennifer, and it had been nice. Pleasant, easy, comfortable. He’d still been the odd man out but it hadn’t been as oppressive, hadn’t been as obvious. Hadn’t been three couples surrounding him saying, with their joined hands and secretive smiles, you’re alone, John, alone alone alone.

Rodney and Jennifer weren’t like that, were in fact the only couple John could stand to be alone with. Instead of making googly eyes at each other and holding hands under the table and silently wishing John wasn’t there, they argued and bickered and laughed and didn’t look at John when he spoke like they’d forgotten he was there. Ronon and Amelia were new, and fucking like rabbits, and pretty much didn’t notice anyone anymore. Teyla had always made John feel like an outsider, Kanaan being by her side only amplified it.

So three-quarters of a bottle full of wine and the company of Rodney and Jennifer was pretty much the best night John has had since returning to Earth. Most other days he wanted to claw out of his skin and take a P-90 to anyone and everything standing between him and going back to Pegasus.

They sit on the couch with Jennifer in the middle and watch Back to the Future because pretty much the only thing John has in common with Jennifer is how much joy they get out of annoying the shit out of Rodney. Rodney snorts and makes snide comments and hides his face. John argues with him over the top of Jennifer’s head and says “forget if the science is wrong, Rodney, it’s cool, cant you just think it’s cool?” and Rodney says “Oh yes, I’m known for my cool factor, Sheppard, that and my awesomeness.” Jennifer giggles and giggles into her wine glass and presses her knee into John’s thigh.

It’s warm, and comfortable, and very, very dangerous.

It’s dangerous because John he hates Earth and he misses going on missions with Rodney bitching about anything and everything, and he misses Rodney being single and hanging out with him, and he misses Rodney’s mini-diatribes over the wonders of really bad coffee in the morning while John smirks and eats his waffle.

Because Jennifer is great, she’s wonderful, he likes her, he really does, she’s fan-fucking-tastic. But he misses Rodney.

So Rodney and Jennifer might be the only couple he can stand to hang out with but they’re also the couple that makes it hurt the most that he is, in fact, alone, alone, alone.

The wine was a really, really bad idea. It makes him lazy and careless and sad. Jennifer’s leg had been pressed up against his thigh the entirety of the movie in a way that wasn’t unlike all the movies he went to as a teenager with girls that felt him up through the guise of reaching for popcorn. He was horny and buzzed and verging on panicking by the end of the movie because Rodney’s who he wanted but Jennifer was beautiful and maybe a little interested. It’s also hot in ways he doesn’t even want to acknowledge how jealous Rodney had looked when John had let his hand fall loosely on Jennifer’s knee. It made him feel guilty, and angry at himself, but not enough to move his hand away.

He doesn’t like what it says about himself that he’d probably fuck Jennifer if she let him if it meant Rodney would look at him like that while he was doing it.

When the movie is over Jennifer goes to the bathroom and Rodney continues to bitch about the wrong, wrong, wrongness of the science of a movie out of the 1980’s while he pours three more glasses of wine. It’s clear that Rodney doesn’t intend for him to leave yet but he probably should have left an hour ago before he’d let himself imagine what Rodney would do if John stared into Rodney’s eyes while he made Jennifer come.

John finds himself irrationally angry when he responds to Rodney’s latest taunt, fists clenching by his sides and panting a little. “Just because it’s not 100% factual and realistic, or even a good idea, doesn’t mean it’s not really cool. Sometimes you have to let go of the bullshit and just enjoy things. Haven’t you ever just wanted to say fuck it and do what you actually want to do? You don’t have to over think every god damned thing, Rodney, sometimes it’s just better to act, otherwise you just wind up regretting it and hating yourself!”

It’s not until then that he realizes he’s actually not arguing about the movie at all, or even with Rodney, but with himself over the fact that he’d had four years to try something with Rodney and he’d blown it by being too cautious and too cowardly.

Rodney opens his mouth and then closes it, shaking his head. “What?”

John stands and thinks good going, John, way to be subtle, and paces a circle around to the opposite side of the coffee table. “I don’t… nothing, I don’t know what, I just. I’m tired of Earth. I hate it here.”

Rodney smirks up at him and raises his wine glass to his lips. “You want me to make you a Delorean so you can go back in time and not come back to Earth, don’t you?”

No I want to go back in time and kiss you and fuck you like I wanted to on that planet that Gaul died and you saved my life he thinks. He smiles a little and ducks his head. “Yeah. I don’t know. I guess.”

Rodney laughs. “You’re going stir crazy, aren’t you? They’re going to send us back. Colonel Carter has assured me that no matter what the IOA says, General Landry intends for us to go back.”

“But when,” John says, close to begging, and steps over the coffee table and sits down on the edge of it, reaching out to grab at Rodney’s knees. “When, because I can’t stand it here, I’m… I’m going insane.”

Rodney leans forward and really, really looks at him, frowning as his eyes sweep over John’s face. John would normally grin and back away and go back to flyboy mode, back to being cool and calm and collected. He’s not really himself tonight though, and a little drunk and still more than a little horny and he doesn’t hide the desperate want and need he feels when Rodney looks at him.

“Clearly,” Rodney says, frown deepening as he leans back, and John thinks he maybe gets it. Maybe he gets it, but doesn’t believe it. It makes John angry because there were so many times when if Rodney had just gotten it, then John would have done something about it.

“Are you even trying,” he spits out, sounding bitter and coarse. “You seem pretty fucking content back here on Earth playing house with Keller, are you even trying to get us back?”

“What?” Rodney spits back, because going from zero to pissed always only took him .2 seconds. “Excuse me? Are you accusing me of slacking? Me?”

“Well,” John says, shrugging his shoulders. “Can you blame me? I hardly ever see you at the SGC, or on Atlantis, all I know is you’re spending 90% of your time with Keller and I’m stuck here being… stuck and waiting on you to figure it out!”

“Hey,” is all Rodney gets out and John thinks for one crazy second that he’s going to actually hit Rodney, because every emotion he’s feeling has to come out some way and anger is the easiest. He lunges forward and instead of pushing Rodney away or rearing back and hitting him he straddles him and yanks his head back and kisses him, rough and hot and wet.

He kisses him and says “fuck” and grinds down on top of Rodney, hard and needy and horny and pissed and scared. Rodney’s hands don’t push him away, instead they grab at John’s shirt and hold him there. John kisses him again and loses himself in it, shoving his tongue in Rodney’s mouth until he feels Rodney’s moving against his and his fingers pressing into John’s hips and his hips bucking up against John.

He about to maybe slide off of Rodney to unzip his pants and pull them down but the couch dips and they both freeze, eyes locking.

“Oh shit,” Rodney says, shoving at John and turning to gape wide-eyed at Jennifer, flushed and sweaty and guilty as hell. “Oh shit, Jennifer.”

John closes his eyes and slides off of Rodney back onto the coffee table and buries his face in his hands.

“Oh don’t mind me,” Jennifer says. To John it sounds amused, of all things, but that can’t be right. “I mean, I’ve heard of the fight or flight response but fight or fuck sounds good too.”

“Fuck,” John says, standing up and feeling like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. He doesn’t look at either of them. “Jennifer, I’m sorry. Rodney, I… I’m just sorry.”

“So it’s fight or fuck, and then flight. Gotcha,” Jennifer says, and then she laughs, and he knows it’s a laugh because he’s been listening to it all night, so he looks at her and she’s got a sly grin on her face and a wine glass in her hand and isn’t looked pissed at all.

“Jennifer, please, I’m so sorry, I never meant to… I didn’t know, I forgot you were-- I’m sorry, please, he took me by surprise,” Rodney’s saying, quick, fast, rapid-fire word bullets like he can talk his way out of this.

“You’re not mad,” John says, and it’s like that time on J45-344 when they’d been facing what was obviously a firing squad and John had said ‘why aren’t you killing us yet?’ because he was stupid, and didn’t know when to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

“I should be,” she says, taking a sip of her wine and looking at John, smile playing on her lips. “I mean, you were trying to fuck my boyfriend in my apartment when I was going to the bathroom.”

“I’m drunk,” John says, trying to figure out a way where he wasn’t the biggest fucking asshole in the world. There wasn’t one. “And an asshole, and I’m sorry. It’s just…” He takes a deep breath and thinks honesty is the best policy when lies are too obvious. “I want him.”

Rodney’s staring at him when he dares a look and says, “You want me? Really?”

Jennifer lets out a short laugh. “How can you be shocked when he just had his tongue down your throat?”

“I’ve been told I can be really obtuse sometimes,” Rodney says wonderingly and then looks at Jennifer and frowns in apology. “Sorry. Jennifer, I’m so--”

“The apologies are annoying me, I’ll tell you that much,” Jennifer says, holding a hand up to Rodney and looking back at John. “Which is it more?”

John frowns, sitting back down on the coffee table, carefully making sure his knee doesn’t touch Rodney’s. Everything in him is screaming for him to run away, but he thinks he owes Jennifer this much at least. He owes her the opportunity to tell him off.

“Which is what?”

“The drunk or the want,” she asks. He wonders to himself if she’s really this calm or if she’s the slowly boiling type. If she’s going to suddenly start throwing wine bottles and screaming and scratching at his face with her nails. He probably owes her that too.

He looks away. “I’m not that drunk,” he says.

Rodney raises a hand. “I kind of am.”

Jennifer unfolds her legs, pushing her toes under Rodney’s leg as she stretches out. “Okay,” she says, more to herself than to either of them. “I think I’ve seen this coming.”

John jerks his head to look at her and sees Rodney doing the same. “You have,” they both say in unison.

“Because I haven’t,” Rodney says, still wild-eyed and breathing fast. Even now, under the watchful eyes of Jennifer, John couldn’t want him more if he tried to.

Jennifer gives him a pinched look. So not completely okay with it then, John thinks.

“You’ve been told you’re obtuse sometimes for a reason, Rodney, because John thinks he’s good at hiding it but he’s really not.”

John looks down, feeling ashamed and pissed and shocked that he’s still sitting here when he clearly needs to be as far from here as humanly possible.

Jennifer arches an eyebrow at Rodney. “My question is do you want him?”

Rodney swallows loudly enough for John to hear him. John desperately does and just as desperately doesn’t want to hear the answer. “Jennifer.”

“Don’t,” Jennifer says. That tone, right there, sounded pissed, and John’s insides freeze up. “Don’t lie, Rodney. I can forgive a lot of things but I will not forgive a lie.”

“Yes,” Rodney finally says, and John has to close his eyes and hold tight to himself so he doesn’t do something stupid, like yell at Jennifer to stop interrogating them or reach over and suck Rodney’s dick right here and right now. “I do.”

“Thank you,” Jennifer says, and John watches, transfixed, as she takes Rodney’s hand in hers and squeezes it. “Now for the next part, which is the part that’s scary for me.”

“This is all pretty scary,” John says before he even knows he’s opened his mouth, and then quickly shuts up, cursing himself.

Jennifer ignores him, staring intently at Rodney. “Do you want both of us, or do you want him and I’m just, I don’t know… your replacement, your filler.”

“You would never be a replacement or filler,” Rodney says feelingly. “I wasn’t using you, if that’s what you think.”

“I didn’t,” Jennifer says, shaking her head. “Not consciously anyway.” She clears her throat. “So both of us then.”

Rodney swallows. “This is incredibly uncomfortable, Jennifer, can we discuss this in private?”

“I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable,” Jennifer says tightly, but doesn’t take her hand out of Rodney’s. “Because if you’d like to feel uncomfortable why don’t you put yourself in my shoes?”

Rodney looks at John and begs him with his eyes. “I should go,” John says, staring back at Rodney.

“Stay,” Jennifer says authoritatively, and John does because she’s a doctor and he’s always had a difficult time saying no to both Carson and her when they ordered him around.

“I was just going to the bathroom and I walk out to hear you two screaming at each other, except by the time I make it out here my boyfriend, whom I love very much, is making out with the ranking military officer of Atlantis who also happens to be his best friend.” She waves her hands spasmodically, and John tries to remember if she always did that or if she’d picked it up from Rodney. He can’t. “Uncomfortable? Understatement of the fucking year, Rodney.”

“Sorry,” Rodney mumbles, and John can’t take it anymore.

“What’s happening here,” he says finally, hands gripping his legs tightly enough to probably leave bruises. “Should I stay? Go? Do a fucking jig, what do you want from me here Jennifer?”

“I’m working my way around to asking if you two want a threesome or if I need to kick you out of my apartment so you two can get a hotel room, John,” Jennifer says, and her voice is teetering on the edge of pissy and amused, so he looks at her and she looks scared and uncertain and shocked that she’d said it outloud. “But I was trying to say it better than that.”

“Threesome,” Rodney asks, eyes bugging.

“Threesome,” John says, freezing and staring at her.

Her mouth drops slightly and she blushes and points at him. She’s still uncertain but a giggle escapes her lips and he’s reminded even though he hates her for taking Rodney away from him, he really does mostly like her.

“That was an answer,” she says, pointing at him, and John realizes that, yeah. It kind of was. “Not shock that I’d suggested it, but an actual answer.”

“Yes,” John breathes out, unable to make his voice work properly any longer. “I would… yeah.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Rodney says, but Jennifer talks over him, saying, “You’re willing to share him, then. With me.”

John looks at Rodney. “I’ll take what I can get.”

Rodney gives him his Are you crazy? look and John hits him back with his Don’t piss off the natives, McKay look and Rodney keeps his mouth shut.

Jennifer stands and walks until she’s in front of him, and he leans back to look up at her, thinking this is when she’s going to scream and yell and scratch at him. Instead she takes his chin in her hand and kisses him, soft, and sweet. When her tongue peaks out he forgets to hold himself back and just drinks in anything he can get because he’s been alone for months now and she so very warm and smells like cucumber-melon and wine.

They break apart finally and he stares at her. When she smiles at him he thinks he could maybe fall in love with her right there on the spot.

Rodney is looking at them with wide eyes and his mouth agape and John laughs, a little crazily and a lot relieved. Jennifer laughs too.

“Is this payback,” Rodney asks, and he sounds hurt, and he’s such an unbelievable idiot that John and Jennifer laugh even harder. “Oh, thank you so much, I came to Earth with a best friend and a girlfriend and now I have neither. Very funny stuff, that.”

Jennifer turns to look at Rodney, putting a hand on her hip. John reaches forward to shape his hand around the curve of her ass because he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is happening, even if Rodney doesn’t have the first fucking clue. It’s also incredibly gratifying to see the jealousy spark back up in Rodney, and he hopes Rodney doesn’t fuck this up for them.

“I’m offering you a threesome, Rodney,” Jennifer says, leaning back against John’s hand slightly. He finds himself smirking, no longer wanting to leave. At all in fact. “Most guys would think I was the coolest girlfriend in the world.”

John lets his fingers travel up her backside to delve under her shirt and he leans forward to lick a stripe up the curve of her spine because it’ll drive Rodney fucking insane and he thinks if he drives Rodney insane enough he’ll shut up and just let this happen.

“True,” he says against her skin, peering around her side to catch Rodney’s eye. “Very, very true.”

Rodney looks betrayed, and pissed, and really turned on, and it makes John’s now-wilted erection go back to full-on hardness.

“You kissed him,” Rodney says, staring up at her.

“If we’re doing this, we’re doing this,” she says, her voice now taking on a breathy quality that makes John’s hands tighten on her. “It’s share or nothing Rodney, you can’t have it both ways. I’m not going to be your other.”

He sighs and grabs her hands. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you still want him.” Rodney looks at John and doesn’t say anything. It means yes though, because if the answer was no he’d move when John reaches a hand forward to stroke down his thigh. “Then shut up already,” Jennifer says and kisses him.

John runs his hands down Jennifer’s legs and watches them kiss and feels like a pervert and a really bad friend. He’s pretty sure he’s fucking things up for Rodney, even if Jennifer is being really cool about it. No threesome has ever worked out well to his knowledge, and if he was a good friend he’d leave and let them have each other.

Instead he runs his hands up the insides of Jennifer’s legs and smiles as Jennifer moans and almost falls on top of him. He’s so hard he’s half-crazy with it. He stands and reaches around, cupping her breasts. They’re smallish but enough, perfect fit to his hands, and her nipples are hard. He starts to unbutton her shirt, his knuckles brushing against Rodney’s chest as he does it.

She breaks off her kiss with Rodney to lean back against John and John and Rodney lock eyes. Rodney swallows thickly and leans forward and John waits for him to kiss him. He waits, and waits, and then finally Rodney’s hand is behind his head and pulling him forward and they’re kissing and his head is spinning.

He shoves his hand inside of Jennifer’s pants because he needs to be touching something and thinks maybe if he can make Jennifer come really, really hard, she won’t have second thoughts about this.

Jennifer moans and moves against him when his fingers dip inside of her panties. She says “oh my god” in this low, throaty voice and Rodney breaks away.

His eyes follow John’s arm to where it disappears into Jennifer’s jeans and his eyes fly to John’s. “Oh my god, we’re really doing this!”

“Yeah,” John says, his hand stilling as he takes a shaky breath to try and clear his head. “You ok with this?”

“Yeah,” Rodney says, sounding surprised and turned on and then surprised some more, and he reaches down and unbuttons Jennifer’s jeans and pulls them down so John isn’t pushing against the fabric anymore and Jennifer steps out of them.

“Hang on, hang on,” Jennifer says, hand grasping John’s. “Wait.”

John thinks no, and please don’t take this away from me, but he stills his fingers against her. He tucks his lips against the pulse of her neck and closes his eyes and waits for her to tell him they can’t do this.

Jennifer takes a deep breath and Rodney watches her and John watches him watching her. “Condoms,” she says, stepping away from him. Her shirt hangs loosely around her frame, unbuttoned and starch white against her pale skin. He’s forced to admit, it’s incredibly sexy.

“Wait here,” she says, backing up and holding up a finger. “I mean, make out or whatever, but don’t… don’t leave,” she says, and then turns and sprints down the hall.

John’s left standing there watching Rodney’s and achingly hard in his pants. “Are you ok, McKay,” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Rodney says, finally looking back at him. “I… have no idea what’s happening.”

John takes an abortive step forward, licking his lips. “Do you want this?”

Rodney meets his eyes but then flicks them away again. “I… I don’t know.”

John’s fists clench by his sides. “Do you want me?”

Rodney laughs slightly, shrugging his shoulders. “John.”

John takes three steps in rapid succession until he’s backing Rodney up and forcing him to meet John’s eyes. “Rodney. You have to tell me what to do. Because I want this. I want you. But I’ll go, if it’s what you want.”

“Do you,” Rodney says, looking at him contemplatively. “Do you want this?”

John shrugs. “I want you.”

“But do you want this,” Rodney says a bit more fervently. “Me, and Jennifer. Because of course I want you, John. Jesus, I’ve wanted you forever. But I love her.”

It hurts. It really, really hurts deep in John’s chest, to hear it even though he’d already known. “I…” He lets out a breath and shakes his head. “Rodney.”

“And you,” Rodney continues, like John hadn’t spoken, and John jerks his head to look back at Rodney. “Both of you. So this is actually ideal for me, because I don’t lose her, and I get you too.”

John grabs Rodney’s face, crushing his lips against Rodney’s instead of saying I love you too. He pulls Rodney close and says it with his tongue against Rodney’s mouth, says it with his hand sliding down Rodney’s back. Says it by rubbing his thigh against Rodney’s dick, by squeezing Rodney’s ass. He says it with every particle of his being because he sucks at words and words don’t really mean anything anyway because John’s always been a better shower than he is a teller.

“I’ll take what I can get,” he says, voice rough and barely above a whisper, and slides his hand across Rodney’s hips to rub him through his dress pants. He watches the way Rodney’s eyes close and his head falls back and leans forward to suck and bite at Rodney’s exposed neck.

“That’s just… way hotter than I would have thought it would be,” Jennifer says from somewhere off to the left, and John squeezes his eyes shut so he can pretend for just a few more seconds that it’s still just the two of them.

When he finally looks she’s sitting on the couch, wearing only the unbuttoned shirt and a pair of tiny white panties. It’s hot, and this isn’t the first threesome John’s been in, but it’s the first one where he’s been in love with one of them.

“How are we doing this,” Rodney says hesitantly. He’s wringing his hands and his erection is pressing against his pants.

“I want you to fuck me,” John says, swallowing thickly.

“Oh wow. Um.” Rodney’s eyes go big and he stares at John. “Okay.”

“Does that mean…” Jennifer points at him and then at herself. “That you’re…”

John looks at Rodney. “Are you okay with that?”

Rodney looks stricken and looks to Jennifer. “Are you?”

Jennifer nods and swallows, and John walks over to her, taking her hand and pulling her up to stand in front of him. He smiles down at her and brushes her hair out of her face. “Hi,” he says.

She grins. “Hi. This is weird.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

She glances over his shoulder at Rodney and then back at him. “Are you okay with it? Because nobody asked you that.”

It occurs to him then that yeah, he really is, because looking into her eyes and thinking about the way she is with Rodney, how happy she makes him, how funny she is, how caring and kind and sweet she is. Yeah. He’s fine with it.

Plus, she’s really sexy like this, all coy and shy and flushed and open. As an answer he kisses her, winding his fingers in her hair, opening her mouth with his and winding his tongue with hers. He wonders how Rodney feels about this, can feel the heat of his gaze on his back, but he doesn’t feel hands hauling him off of her so he assumes Rodney’s still okay with it.

She makes tiny noises against his mouth as he reaches down to rub his thumb against the side of her nipple and his dick twitches in interest. He’s relieved, because he’d thought this was going to be about Rodney, and about putting up with her being there, but his dick doesn’t seem the slightest bit disinterested in fucking Jennifer Keller, so why should he?

Someone’s hands are reaching around him to unbutton his jeans and when he realizes its Rodney his knees go a little weak with how hot it is and he deepens the kiss with Jennifer and growls into her mouth, going faster and rougher. Her hands clutch into his back as she pulls him closer.

Rodney’s hands pull his jeans down and yank them off over his shoes. John moans when Rodney’s hands splay over his ass and then slowly, gently start peeling his underwear off.

“Oh holy crap, I can’t breathe,” Jennifer gasps, pulling away from him and batting at his chest, laughing slightly. “Wow, you’re an amazing kisser.”

He grins and feels himself flush and leans her back until she’s sitting on the couch and he’s hovering over her, his fingers hooking into her underwear and rubbing against her clit. “Get the condom,” he rasps.

“S,” Rodney says from behind him, one hand on John’s hip, and John looks back to see Rodney kneeling behind him and holding a hand out towards Jennifer. “Plural.”

John’s about to say something smart, because even this turned on he needs to argue with Rodney, but then his eyes roll up in his head because Rodney’s tongue is on his ass and it feels so amazingly good he has to curl his fingers around the back of the couch and hold on for life so he won’t fall on top of Jennifer.

“Oh, wow,” he vaguely hears Jennifer saying. “God, I always thought you were handsome but you’re beautiful like this.”

“Oh, you’re never going to want to fuck me again are you,” Rodney says, only sounding slightly cranky.

Jennifer laughs and Rodney’s thumbs press into the backs of John’s thighs. “Hey, you’re the one making him look like this, not me.”

“Okay, not fair, I can’t see--”

“Condom,” John hisses, hands squeezing on the couch, “now, condom, fuck, just come on, let’s go here.”

“Oh, he’s Mr. Impatient,” Jennifer says and he doesn’t need to look down to know her mouth is twisted on a smirk. “We may have to teach you a lesson in patience, Colonel Sheppard.”

“I knew it! You have a military fetish!”

“Rodney,” John whines, honest to god whines, because he’s practically vibrating with the need to get his dick in someone, anyone, right now. “Please.”

“Okay Rodney, take notes,” Jennifer says, and then he feels her fingers on his dick and latex stretching over it. “I like begging. A lot.”

Rodney’s tongue is back on his ass and it’s all John can do to not shove his dick into Jennifer and fuck her brains out. Instead he opens his eyes and takes a deep, deep breath to attempt to calm himself and looks down at her. “Okay,” he asks.

She nods, pupils blown, her hand on his chest making slow circles with her thumb. “Okay.”

He slides into her tight wet heat and has to pause because he’s having sensory overload, Rodney’s tongue on his ass, his fingers digging into John’s thighs, Jennifer’s lips and teeth against his neck. Letting out a breath he pushes further in and closes his eyes as Jennifer moans against his ear.

Rodney’s gone for a moment and he misses him, his hand going back to try and find him, finally grabbing his arm and pulling at him.

“Hold on, hold on,” Rodney says, grabbing his hand quickly and then letting go. “Condom first, Jennifer will kick my ass. It’s really annoying to be with a doctor sometimes.”

John huffs out a shaky laugh and starts a slow, gentle rhythm, leaning down and kissing Jennifer, because he really likes kissing. He’s finding that he really likes kissing Jennifer, who moans into his kisses and doesn’t use her tongue too much.

Rodney’s palm skims up his back and makes him shudder and groan into the kiss, makes his hips buck and go a little faster. “Are you… can I…”

“Yeah,” John huffs, pulling back and leaning his forehead against Jennifer’s, covering Rodney’s hand on his hip with his own. “Do it.”

Rodney pushes in very slowly, and John’s hips stop as he feels him fill him. He hangs his head and breathes through his nose past the slight pain at not being quite fully prepped but he wouldn’t stop him for the world because Rodney’s leaning against him, his lips against John’s neck as he pushes into him, and it’s everything John’s wanted for years.

Rodney’s hand wraps around his around the back of the couch as they start a rhythm together, Jennifer’s fingers digging into John’s hips as she sighs her approval, bucking up against them as they press into her, and it winds up being a pulsating supernova of pleasure rolling in waves through him as Rodney breathes against his neck and Jennifer skims her hands over him, painting him with tiny wet kisses.

At some point Rodney hits a spot that sends John over the edge, his hand digging into Jennifer’s hip in a way that’s probably painful but he’s too far gone to notice, his breath hitching as he gasps for air and rolls his eyes back in his head, moaning and grunting in ways he doesn’t usually allow himself to.

He can hear Jennifer saying “yeah, Rodney, he likes that, just like that,” and he comes, and comes, and comes, and doesn’t think he’ll ever stop. He can feel Jennifer coming beneath him and Rodney coming inside him and when it’s all over he lays there limp and boneless between them, breathing in the scent of sweat and sex.

Afterwards they eat cold pizza sitting on the floor naked.

“That was amazing,” Jennifer says, laying her head in Rodney’s lap and reaching up to feed a piece of pepperoni to Rodney.

“Yeah,” Rodney says, grinning at John. “It really was.”

“I think you planned it,” John says, not looking at either one of them and pretending to be completely and utterly blameless. “You just wanted me to be your sex toy so you could use me to spice up your boring sex life.”

“Well you’re just so pretty,” Jennifer says, and they laugh and laugh.

They do it again later in Jennifer’s bed, Jennifer lying on her back between them and sucking John’s dick as Rodney fucks her, and John doesn’t stop kissing Rodney for one second, not even when he comes.

Later still, when Rodney and Jennifer are asleep, John rolls Rodney onto his back and wakes him up with a blowjob while he jerks himself off.

As he crawls back up to the pillows he catches Jennifer’s eye and expects recrimination but all he gets is a smile and her reaching over to take his hand, dragging it over both of their bodies, her fingers twining in his as she settles back in to go to sleep.

He thinks, this might actually work.

Over breakfast Jennifer says, “So just so we’re clear, was that a one time thing, or…”

“Well considering we did it multiple times,” Rodney says, swirling his fork in his eyes and not looking at anyone.

Jennifer looks at Rodney, rolls her eyes, and then looks at John. “Since Rodney’s not going to answer, I guess it’s up to us to set up the ground rules.”

John snorts softly. “Okay.”

“I liked it,” she says, taking a sip of orange juice. “And I’m not opposed to continuing to do it.”

John shakes his head. “Me neither.”

“Me ne--” Rodney starts.

“Hey, you had your opportunity to have an opinion, stay out of it,” Jennifer says, stabbing a piece of bacon off of his plate and eating it. “So I say, we keep doing it.”

John nods. “Me too.”

She grins at him. He grins back and thinks, Definitely. I could definitely fall in love with her.

It actually does work out really, really well.

For the most part.

Titular Notes:

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

- Bruce Feirstein